the first few days I was in Halifax were actually less than stellar. I saw beautiful landscapes, got to see a close friend again, met her adorable and energetic niece, but I just couldn't shake the funk I was in.

I'd been in a funk for the past few weeks or maybe couple of months here. a combination of stress from a new job, stress from a new roommate and his dog, and a complete lack of meditation. the happiest I'd been in years (literally) was those few months during my meditation class. I haven't really meditated since it ended, sometime in March I think.

finally on my third day in Halifax I broke down and admitted I'm just really, devastatingly lonely and not dealing with it well at all. we were on this beautiful walking trail full of silly dogs and sunshine, and I was crying. it sucked. it was really embarrassing. this whole thing has been really embarrassing. it's been almost three years since my husband left me and I still think about him every single damn day.

my ex and I travelled really well together. vacations to me still mean nice times with your love; I have no love right now. my love shattered my heart and then called me a whore.

after I had a bit of a cry, we stopped and sat on a giant rock for quite a while. laid in the sunshine and didn't talk much. Susan and Monique did a bit; I meditated. the effect was huge! I perked up quite quickly.

the rest of the trip was much better, which is when you started hearing from me here.

today after I surveyed the damage to my house, had a cuddle with my dog, and showered, I meditated. and I'm feeling like I can handle the rest of the day. I'm waiting for Friday Guy to get back to me on when he can hang out. I haven't seen him since that Friday, which was pretty much a month ago now (May 15). I really hope he can hang out tomorrow (tonight I'm busy with frisbee). patience isn't my forte. I want to get on with this.

in the meantime, I should go check on lunch, pull my laundry out of the washer, then get the lawn mowed. my life is so glamourous!