I have decided to get deadly serious about losing some weight.

one of my favourite dresses doesn't fit anymore! the cute yellow daisy one I bought in England last year is now only wearable if I cover it with a sweater. I also don't really fit my jeans that well, or my capri jeans, and some tshirts are now difficult to wear because of my jiggly belly fat.

I've also been struggling with both soccer and ultimate frisbee. we've been really short of girls so I've been playing very long shifts. and not just long shifts, but entire games!! it would be so much easier to run for 75 minutes if I wasn't carrying 10 - 15 extra pounds of fat on me.

I also drank beer on both Friday and Saturday nights this weekend. and was mopey and slightly hungover on Saturday and Sunday. it sucked. I cried most of this afternoon because I was sad about being alone, and I know it had far more to do with the depressive effects of beer than it does with my actual situation.

my actual situation is this: I have a really cool job, a cute house, a devoted and fairly well-behaved dog, a car that is paid off, and friends that love me. on Saturday two of my friends stood up for me in an obvious (but not aggressive) way and I felt for the first time that My Friends Have My Back. I have known it for a while of course, but the gesture was huge and wonderful and perfectly timed.

so, no more unnecessary alcohol. no glass of wine at dinner. no beer after yardwork. just water and lots of it. I will still likely drink at giant parties, but I dunno maybe not. I'm going to a huge one on Saturday (performances! by awesome kids!) and I may just prefer to remain totally sober.

without alcohol I won't want big greasy breakfasts the morning after. cutting out booze and those breakfasts will go a long way towards losing some weight.

I also need to start planning my lunches better. and my dinners. I need to create a routine again, not just for weight loss but for my own sanity. groceries on Sunday afternoons to restock with fresh vegetables for the week! I miss that. and groceries on a regular basis will mean I won't mope around not wanting what's in my fridge, getting hungrier and grumpier.

I also need a cleaning routine. and a dog-walking routine. and meditation. these things all contribute to my happiness, and so does more consistency in general.

I am so busy these days with book club, soccer, ultimate frisbee, and festivals that I really need to plan my time better to get everything done.

so, for real this time -- I am going to be nicer to myself and lose that weight and stop moping about all "fat and lonely". ridiculous.