I've also made another big decision, but I'm not sure how deadly serious I am. I think I'm reasonably serious. we'll see.

several weeks ago I decided to give my current city 2 more years. if I am still single in 2 years, I will start looking elsewhere for work.

I've been single for just about 3 years now, and I think 5 is about as many single years as I can handle. sure, for the first 2 and a bit years I was really struggling with huge, massive things and I'm only now out of that fog. so, fair enough I didn't find someone. I wouldn't have agreed then, but I see it now.

but, this is a young-marrying town. in a couple of years I'll be 33. there are so few single guys my age right now -- can you imagine how few there will be when I'm 33? and those guys will all be divorced and bitter and angry and the last thing they'll want is marriage and kids. I don't know how much I care about the marriage part anymore (seems like a bit of a sham to me), but the kids thing is huge.

I think if I'm still single when I'm 33, I'll go somewhere that people aren't marrying at 25 and 27. somewhere like perhaps Halifax. I am not interested in Vancouver at all actually. or Toronto, although Toronto grabs me a bit more for some stupid reason. mostly the lure of cheap flights from Toronto to other places, and the proximity to several awesome friends. I won't go to Montreal since my ex is there and I was never all that comfortable there anyway somehow.

I love this city so I'm not sure how serious I am. but, I feel like if I give this place 2 good years then what else can I do? wouldn't it make sense to go somewhere that the odds are in my favour?

if it weren't for the fact that Scotland is so far away and I'd have to figure out what do with my car (sell it?) and my dog (I hate the idea of flying her anywhere), Edinburgh would clearly be my first choice.

ah well, maybe in 2 years Danny from Scotland will be single again and I can fly him here and see what happens. and in the meantime there is Friday Guy, although there is something in the universe that has declared we are not getting together for real any time soon. I offered to help with his renovations so I could hang out with him, but he isn't doing any this weekend because his grandfather had a stroke. obviously I feel bad for Friday Guy and his family and that is my first concern, but seriously -- it's probably going to be six stupid weeks before I see him again. and in seven weeks school starts. sigh. I'm so sad for him that he just keeps getting slammed again and again by life, and sad for us and whatever potential we might have. and I'm also worried that I'll push too hard, or not push hard enough, and so I'm feeling kind of helpless about it. but, I digress.

my favourite lyric from a local band goes, "it's fashionable to be single in big cities but not in small towns." so true. I live in small city, not a small town, but the mindset is still the same. I'm as guilty as anyone for buying into it, but I never expected to find myself divorced at 31.

this post is rambling but I am choosing to leave it as is. I'd like to meditate before bed and I'm running out of time this evening to do so. not meditating would make me more sad than a poorly thought out post!